
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/347135.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural, Harry_Potter_-_J._K._Rowling, Star_Trek_(2009)
  Relationship:
      Dean_Winchester/James_T._Kirk/Sirius_Black, Castiel/Dean_Winchester,
      James_T._Kirk/Spock, Sirius_Black/Remus_Lupin, Sirius_Black/Dean
      Winchester, James_T._Kirk/Sirius_Black, James_T._Kirk/Dean_Winchester
  Character:
      Dean_Winchester, James_T._Kirk, Sirius_Black
  Additional Tags:
      Threesome_-_M/M/M, Smut, Porn, Threesome, Quantum_Mechanics, Alternate
      Dimensions, Dimension_Travel, Crossover, Crossover_Pairings, Magic,
      Supernatural_Elements, Science_Fiction, Sex_Pollen, Sex_Magic, Sex_Curse,
      Consent_Issues, Dubious_Consent, Underage_Sex, Badwrong, Multi-Fandom
      OT3, Marathon_Sex, Multiple_Orgasms, Double_Penetration, Pining,
      Unrequited_Love, Ridiculous, The_Author_is_Clearly_Insane, Room_of
      Requirement, The_Sex_You_Wish_They_Were_Having, And_Then_Some
  Stats:
      Published: 2012-02-26 Words: 2156
****** Three's Company (Two's a Crowd) ******
by Saucery
Summary
     The multiverse makes them do it.
     Or, the one in which Dean Winchester, Jim Kirk and Sirius Black walk
     into a bar room. And have sex, and talk, and have sex. Again. And
     again. And again.
Notes
     As far as evil geniuses go, murf1307 is actually more like a Care
     Bear - with hearts drawn on it - but murf1307 is still an evil
     genius, okay?
     Okay.
     I love her so much.
===============================================================================

They barely had time for introductions. Sirius barely had time for
introductions. All he knew was that he'd tumbled into the Room of Requirement
scarcely a moment before two others had joined him, one dark-haired and the
other light, and both, inexplicably, American. ("Dean," the dark one had
growled, gruff and already unbuttoning his jeans. "Jim," the other had husked,
bright-eyed and hungry, as he'd pushed Sirius to his knees.)
Sirius was willing to go with anything, at the moment, including the idea that
these men were just hallucinations his subconscious and the Room of Requirement
had conspired to create, perfect and hard-bodied and slick with sweat - and it
didn't matter what their names were, at all, except that he knew that if he
wanted the most lush, sinful mouth in the world on him, he'd call for Jim, and
if he wanted that broad, beautifully callused grip, he'd call for Dean. Their
names were just labels for the things he wanted to have, needed to have, and
they seemed just as desperate to give it to him, Dean fucking him hard, then
harder, then hardest, Jim writhing beneath them, beneath Sirius, grinning like
a lunatic and wanking himself off, wanking them both off, the moving knuckles
of his fist grazing Sirius's belly in soft, electric brushes that made Sirius
tremble, that made them all shake.
They'd come on the floor and on each other and in each other more times than
Sirius knew how to count, and it was only later, when their mutual fever had
abated somewhat, that they finally stopped to catch their breath.
And Sirius stopped to think, or, well, think as much as a Gryffindor recently
hit with a lust hex could think, and it was then that he realized that
hallucinations didn't normally stick around for the pillow talk.
Floor talk. Whatever. Apparently, the Room of Requirement had thought they
didn't require adequate bedding. Maybe it thought they didn't want any, and the
fact that Sirius had always had that odd fantasy of scraping his knees on a
stone floor surely had nothing to do with it.
Right. Nothing at all.
"So," said Sirius, barely stopping himself from hissing as he rubbed his
stinging knees. "Er. You're both&#x2026; American?"
"And you're underaged." Dean was still naked and flushed and glowing with
sweat, like some kind of Greek god, but he was starting to look vaguely
horrified. "You're underaged, aren't you?"
"Details, details." Jim's eyes crinkled merrily. "He knew what he was doing.
Didn't you, kid?"
Kid? "You look like you do this everyday."
"Well, not this, exactly, as in, I don't get dosed with sex pollen everyday.
But I do get dosed with sex everyday. If it's a good day that doesn't involve
getting blown out of the sky by aliens." He paused. "Okay, maybe even then.
Sometimes with the aliens."
Aliens? Wait. Pollen? "Did you have a Herbology accident?"
Jim snorted. "That what they call it, here? Yeah, sure, why not. What about
you, kiddo?"
Sirius was seriously about to bristle, but Dean beat him to it.
"Maybe you should stop calling him 'kiddo'," Dean gritted out, "given that you
just had your dick up his ass."
"So did you." Jim raised his eyebrows. "At the same time, even."
Dean began to look sick.
"It's - it's fine," said Sirius, hurriedly, not because his arse didn't hurt
like a ripe, bruised, deeply cored fruit, but because Dean looked like he might
be one of those responsible types, maybe a Hufflepuff with younger brothers, or
something. "I&#x2026; I liked it." He was not blushing. Sirius Black did not
blush. "I liked all of it. A lot."
Dean was staring at him. At his face, and only at his face, probably because
they were still naked. At least the place was warm. "That ain't the point. You
know that, right?"
"The point," Jim broke in, "was for us to get off, as quickly as possible, and
get whatever crap we have in our systems out of our bodies before we hurt
anyone we actually cared about. You know that, right?"
Dean scowled.
Jim just lounged - how did anyone lounge on the floor? - and smirked. Lazily.
"What're you in for, anyway? Because you're clearly in for something."
"This - this was supposed to be the panic room. Bobby's panic room, which -
which I needed to be in because that damn incubus was after me, and - "
"An incubus?" Sirius sat up so quickly that his muscles - inside and out -
twinged. Ow. "That&#x2026; that means you had to use sigils to keep it out,
didn't you? Not just the usual sigils." He frowned. "Enochian?"
Dean gaped. "You know Enochian?"
"'Course I do. Advanced Charms and History of Magic. The language of the
supposed angels, I mean, obviously, they don't exist."
"Obviously," said Dean, slowly. His eyes were weird and narrow, but he also
seemed faintly amused. "Go on."
"Yeah, go on." Jim was frankly avid. "All this mumbo-jumbo stuff sounds a hell
of a lot like forcefields and inter-dimensional rifts, so I'm just gonna sit
here and decode the metaphors."
"They're not metaphors." Think, Black, think - there was that book dear old
Father had on demons and sigils that he'd never let Sirius read, except that
Sirius had read it, anyway - "Hm. Enochian sigils. They're very strong. But if
the incubus threatened to break them, they'd take you somewhere else, instead,
somewhere - "
" - safe," Dean finished, looking impressed. "You're a bright ki - uh - person,
Sirius."
"Person." Jim doubled over, laughing. "Person? Really?"
"Hey, I just - "
"Next, you'll be calling him an entity. No, wait, a sentient being."
"Does it even bother you that we just fucked a teenager?"
"Nope." Jim shrugged. "Not like it matters. I mean, you're both holograms."
Dean and Sirius stared at him.
"Really interesting holograms. But still. No offense, seriously. I like that
one of you actually has a conscience and that the other one actually has a
brain. Those metaphors? Awesome. Truly."
"Holograms," Dean repeated. Blankly. "Holograms."
"What are those?" Sirius had never heard of them, but, by Dean's reaction, they
hadn't just been insulted and/or complimented; they'd been told something else.
Something important.
"He thinks we're not real."
Not real? Sirius felt plenty real. Those brain-melting orgasms had been
incredibly real, too.
Jim blinked, and then actually started to look sheepish. "Oh. Oh, shit. You
didn't - you didn't know. Don't worry, I'll wipe the program when I leave. You
guys won't remember a thing."
Was - was this bloke talking about an Obliviate? Sirius would much rather
remember those brain-melting orgasms.
"Look, I just - I don't normally use this holodeck, okay? I just didn't have
the time to get to my favorite one, since there were, like, ants in my pants,
bees in my knees, whatever - it was either this or start humping random cadets,
which, yeah, no. Not happening."
"Let me get this straight," Dean rumbled, apparently completely unaware of his
own pun, while Sirius tried to make sense of what the sodding hell Jim was
saying. "You're from&#x2026; the future. Where there are holograms. And
holodecks."
"Yep. That. I'm not usually into twentieth-century fictional characters, so I
steer clear of this deck, okay?" Then, realizing what he'd just said, he
backtracked. "Not that I'm not into you guys, I'm obviously into you, I was
literally into you, like, minutes ago - "
"What are you talking about?" Sirius threw up his hands. "Of course we're real!
That bastard Snape just hexed me! It was either fucking my best friend into
next week and ruining everything, or hiding out in the Room of Requirement, and
- look, I needed a place to hide out and also get off, and I knew this room
would have something, although I was thinking more along the lines of sex toys,
or - or - but it has been known to pull people in, too, across time and space,
so maybe - "
"So maybe it pulled me from Bobby's panic room," said Dean, "and Jim from his -
whatever it is, in the future. That's what you're saying?"
"Yes." Sirius drew a breath, relieved. "Yeah. Although, I mean, this is very
rare, this is - it's usually only wizards or witches with very powerful magic
that can manage something like this. Dumbledore was the last wizard that
managed to actually summon a real, live human being here, when he was thirteen,
but I - this is amazing. I didn't think I could do this."
"Okay." Jim nodded brightly. "Okay. Right. That's - that's exactly what this
is."
Sirius slanted him a look. "You don't believe a word I just said, do you?"
"Uh? Sure. Sure, I do. Absolutely."
Dean grunted out what might've been a laugh. "Real convincing. Lemme tell you
something, pal - you don't lie very well."
"Hey, at least I can lie. Not like - " Jim cut himself off. A strange
expression flickered across his face, possibly the first real expression Sirius
had seen on him so far, instead of that ever-present, insane grin. "I
couldn't&#x2026; couldn't let him find me like this. I'd - I'd do something
we'd both regret."
"Tell me about it," Dean muttered. "He's so pure. I can't - " Dean also cut
himself off.
Oh. Oh. "The two of you, um, have best friends, too? That you, er. Like?
Maybe?"
"People tend to like their friends." Dean had that grudgingly amused look on
his face, again. "That's why they're friends."
"Well, yeah," said Sirius, impatiently. "But that's not what you mean, is it?
Either of you."
"No," said Jim, quietly. "No, it isn't."
And then, they sort of just sat there. For a while. Thinking about - the people
they were thinking about. Sirius was thinking of Remus. Jim was thinking of his
not-liar. Dean was thinking of his pure (virginal?) friend. It was obvious who
they were all thinking about, so obvious that Sirius was almost worried the
Room of Requirement would haul them in, too. Which, while it might've been
another nice fantasy, would be an utterly horrible reality. Because he did not
need Remus to walk in on him covered in some other bloke's spunk. In two
blokes' spunk.
No. Just - no.
Right. That was probably why the Room of Requirement hadn't pulled the others
in.
"Good call, Room," Sirius mumbled, dropping his head into his hands. "Excellent
call. Thanks."
A few minutes later, Dean spoke up. "I know why I'm still here. Why are you
still here?"
"Oh, man," said Jim. "That pollen? Takes at least six hours to work itself
outta my system. So, you know." He gestured to himself, and, yeah, he was
getting hard again. He was starting to look a little feverish, as well. "Takes
a couple rounds, at least. Gets easier every time, but&#x2026;" He hitched a
shoulder. "You?"
"The curse of the incubus takes about that long to wear off, too."
They turned to look at Sirius.
"Um," said Sirius. "Same here."
"Coincidence?" Jim's eyes gleamed.
"I think not." For the first time this evening, Dean chuckled, and it was low
and velvet-rough and sounded like Dean's stubble felt. Sirius hoped the twitch
of his own cock wasn't too obvious. "You think it's been programmed that way,
don't you?"
"So sue me." Jim beamed. "Oh, wait, you can't. Hologram."
"You're a jackass, you know that?"
"Actually, I think he has a very fine arse," Sirius blurted. "Er."
Jim turned to look at him. From under his lashes. "Why, thank you. I could
arrange for you to enjoy it."
Sirius gulped. His throat was very, very dry. Getting drier by the second,
even.
"He's underaged," said Dean, again, but Jim ignored him. He was crawling
towards Sirius - on his hands and knees - and he had the wettest, sweetest,
deadliest smile on his face.
"Then you can just sit over there and watch, Mister Morality. Not like that
won't be fun, too."
Dean growled. Clenched his hands. Unclenched them.
And then, as Jim's hot, liquid mouth slid down around Sirius, Dean moved.
Sirius tilted his head back, closed his eyes, and felt that hard, scarred chest
press against his back, those rough, callused palms slide down his stomach.
"Th-thank you," said Sirius, quivering, feeling the simmering heat in his blood
rising to the surface once more, warming him up, moistening his skin, making
him pant. He wasn't going to thank Snape for this. He wasn't - "Oh, thank - "
"Hush," said Dean, gravel-deep and heavy, his voice a weight in Dean's ear,
implacable and close. And then Dean was kissing him, and Dean's hands were only
gentle because they were harsh, gripping his thighs and parting them, forcing
them apart, so Jim could settle more easily between them, could hum and groan
and make Sirius shudder, could make Sirius arch and make Sirius burn, could
make his nipples harden and ache for a touch, could make him gasp into Dean's
kiss and moan, just moan, instead of calling the right -
- wrong -
- name.
===============================================================================
                                     fin.
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